The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most
by shawn-n-belle
Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.
1. Chapter 1

The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most

Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.

Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft

Warnings: Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

**Chapter One**

She doesn't remember how she got here, or why it is so hot. God, why is it so hot? She's practically naked. Fuck, when did that happen? Karma Ashcroft's mind is racing in a thousand different directions as she glances around the cheesy motel room with the faux flower petals on the floor. This _wasn't_ supposed to be happening. _Not like this_. Her first time wasn't meant to be in some cheap motel room with a popular guy and her gorgeously, _sexy_, and _perfect_ best friend standing inches in front of her in less than revealing clothes. No, this is wrong. This is all wrong.

Your first time is supposed to be _special_. It is supposed to be with someone that you love, someone who is going to be gentle and caring and is going to make sure that they can do whatever possible to make you comfortable and happy; with someone who would hold you afterward and brush your hair out of your face and tell you just how amazingly perfect you are. It was supposed to be with someone like... Amy.

Like Amy? Seriously Karma? Amy Raundenfeld? She gulps for oxygen as she stares at her best friend, their faces barely inches apart. How in the world is this happening? And since when did Amy get so damn sexy? Except, she shouldn't think that way, she should not think of her best friend as sexy. Normal people do not think of their best friends, or faux girlfriends as _sexy_. She should be thinking Liam Booker is sexy, she should be thinking about how she wants nothing more than his hands all over her and the two of them going further than she has ever gone before. She should be thinking about _Liam_. _Liam. Liam. Liam._

Fuck, Amy.

But see, she's not gay. She really isn't. She doesn't find girls attractive, not even in the slightest bit. She hates the female population for the most part, because they are bitchy and rude and just… on the whole horrible species of people. It is why she has only had one real girl best friend in her entire life, and that person is Amy. It is the person that she can't stop staring at. She _can't_ feel this way, at least, not amount Amy.

Maybe she's just curious. After all, this _is_ her first sexual encounter after all.

Yeah, Karma nods as she tries desperately to find some moisture in her mouth, she's just _curious_. It's not like she's in love with Amy or anything.

Except, maybe she is.

Maybe Karma's not faking it. Maybe she never _had_ been faking to anyone but herself.

However, she manages to lose all train of thought when Amy's fingertips are gently rushing against the nape of her neck and her stomach is on _literal_ fire. She thinks that by the time that Amy's lips are hovering above hers that she might actually self-implode and she can't remember the last time that she was so excited for anything else. And then, suddenly, it is happening. Amy is kissing her, like, _really_ kissing her and it takes Karma's breath away. Her chest is tightening, her stomach has butterflies- no, screw that, _pterodactyls_ wreaking havoc inside of her stomach.

It's like, suddenly, everything just… _made sense_. As if Amy had somehow managed to take paint brush and color her entire life in a beautiful, vibrant, neon shade of pink. As if her best friend somehow found every missing or broken piece glued them all together and made her into something beautiful. She _completed_ her.

As she opens her mouth, leaning her body heavy into the kiss, she can suddenly see everything behind her closed eyelids. Every single sign that the universe has thrown her that she managed to keep missing, time and time again. It was _Amy_. Even when it couldn't be and _shouldn't_ be, it was _Amy_. She could see their entire lives together- college, marriage, kids, the white picket fence, the whole shebang. And dear God, that scared the living _shit_ out of her.

Pulling away, Karma searches Amy's eyes for something, for _anything_ to make sense of what just happened. But suddenly, it as if a new window has opened within those deep swirls, a window into Amy's _soul, _something that she has never seen before. Unexpectedly, Amy is looking at her as if she hung the stars in the sky and gave the moon its shape and Karma can't _breathe_. Has she always looked at her like that?

Shit, is _she_ looking at _Amy_ like that?

"Whoa." She manages to gasp a breath and Amy nods, staring at her so affectionately that it feels like a telephone cord around Karma's neck, rendering her unable to obtain any oxygen. How in the world is this _happening_?

"I know," Amy smirks and smiles as if she had been _waiting_ for Karma to say that. Fuck, had she been? As Karma's mind races even further, she feels another prickle somewhere deep within her when she watches Liam Booker scoop Amy up into his arms, kissing her so hungrily, so desperately, as if the world might stop spinning if he doesn't.

And it is a feeling like a knife straight into her heart when she realizes that Amy is kissing him _back_.

_She is kissing him back_.

Her knees begin to shake and her heart begins to ache, in ways that Karma never imagined possible, in ways that she has never felt before in her entire life. Never, except for once. Once when she was six years old and her father bought Zen a brand new bike and didn't get her anything from his trip. But this is bigger than some stupid bike or some stupid Barbie that her father promised her but never returned with.

This is Amy.

And Liam.

Nothing makes sense anymore. She doesn't know who she is angrier with. Amy, for kissing the only boy that she has ever shown _any_ interest in or, Liam for kissing her best friend and perhaps her not-so-fake girlfriend. All she knows is that she is standing there, her dark brown eyes flickering back and forth between both of their gorgeous faces, two people who she _genuinely_ cared about as they made out with each other. And fuck, she can't _breathe_. She can't… she can't…

Amy. Liam. Amy. Liam. _Amy_. **Liam**.

"I-I can't do this." Karma stutters, as she grabs her trench coat, quickly throwing it over her naked body as Amy's eyes scan her in concern. Amy steps forward so gently that Karma is almost sure that she is going to break in half but instead of acknowledging her best friend, Karma pushes past her in haste, leaving the door slamming behind her.

Then, suddenly, she is running. She is running so hard and so fast that she almost swears that her knees are going to give out beneath her but God, she doesn't care because she has to get _away_, she just has to get _away_ from all of it, from the both of them. She is running, her feet pounding against the concrete beneath her as Amy's quiet but concerned voice calls out, pleading for her to slow down. But she can barely hear it, in fact, it is almost as if Amy is on a different continent entirely calling out to her.

People don't _feel this way_. People don't feeling this way about their _best friends_. People feel this way about Liam Booker, the most popular boy at Hester High, the boy with the bashful eyes and a heart breaking smile that makes girls fall to their knees before him. People feel this way about quarterbacks, about lead singers of the band, about their twenty four year old Geography teacher. People don't feel this way about their _best_ **girl**_**f**__riends_, especially when that person is Amy Raundenfeld.

She doesn't know when the rain started or when the tears starting to fall down her face but all she knows is that the lightning is dancing on the sidewalk in front of her, lightning her way home. She doesn't know when she starts sobbing but all she knows is they are aching through her in the most heart wrenching sounds as she gasps for her breaths.

"Karma, please!"

Shaking her head, the brunette shuts her eyes tightly as she keeps running, each steps harder and harder than the other. She has to _get away_; she has to get away so that she can breathe again. She is running so hard, so fast, that she doesn't even notice that she is running across the busiest intersection in Austin, Amy hot on her heels, with the sounds of horns blaring echoing in the vibrations of the cracking thunder in the pissed off sky above her.

All she knows is that she has to get away from it all. Get away from Hester High, from the cheesy hotel room, from the way that her parents are constantly swooning over her, from Liam Booker and his infatuating smile, and even away from Amy, the only person who ever understood her.

She ran and ran and _**ran**_, damning the both of them to hell with every raindrop or tear that fell down her face.

She physically _cannot_ do this. Not like this. Not with Amy.

* * *

She can't remember coming home, or exactly how she got here, until it is nearly half an hour later and she is buried under her blankets so deeply that the apocalypse could not find her. Beside of her is nearly a thousand used tissues, the teddy bear that Amy won for her at their fifth grade fair, and the television remote that she hasn't touched since she realized that House Hunters was on. She is finally comfortable, for the first time all night, well she would be, if she could actually ignore the fact that the biggest part of is missing.

As another crack of thunder bellows in the sky above her, she digs herself deeper and deeper within those blankets, tucking them up until they are resting just under her nose. Inhaling deeply, she can still smell Amy's perfume from their sleepover two nights ago and suddenly, the all too familiar scent makes her heart slow.

In fact, she is almost completely in a dream world of house hunting internationally when there is a rapid knocking on her door before it busts open. Barely able to open one eye, she notices her mother standing in the doorway and she snuggles deeper down in her blankets.

"Hey Mama. What's up?" Karma yawns sleepily.

"Karma… baby…" Mrs. Ashcroft whispers and the tone of her voice quickly snaps Karma awake. She knows that tone, even though she has only heard it once in her life and it was the night that she sat her down with Zen to tell her that their GamGam had passed away. It is a tone of carefulness, of fragility, as if her daughter might completely fall apart at the sound of her voice. Shooting upwards in her bed, Karma shakes her head softly, raking her nails through her brunette curls, gnawing on her bottom lip softly, her heart thudding in her chest.

"M-Mom? What's wrong?"

"Oh, sweetheart. I…I am just _so_ sorry." Mrs. Ashcroft whispers, her voice breaking as the tears begin to spill down her cheeks. Karma sucks in a hard breath as she stares at her fragile mother as she makes her away across the room to sit on the edge of the bed with her daughter. There is a look in her eyes of despair, of loss, of aching, a look that Karma knows a little _too well_. Before she even knows why, there are tears mirroring in her own eyes and bile rising in her throat at the unknown.

"What happened? Is it Dad? Is it Zen? I told him to be careful but God, it's like he never listens. It's like he doesn't think that _I need him_ but he is my big fucking brother, of course I need him! And I…" But Mrs. Ashcroft interrupts her as she gently places her hand on Karma's wrist with a whimper, an action that lets Karma knows that it is something far more serious.

"There was an accident, Kam. The… the… the rain was just too heavy and… the lights went out and I guess the driver… I do not even know how to begin to…"

"Wait, what do you mean there was an accident? What are you talking about?" Karma asks, although she already knows. She can _just feel it_. Crawling to her knees, she stares at her mother, wanting her to tell her something, _anything_, rather than the truth that hangs in the air between them. Mrs. Ashcroft lets out a shaky breath as she looks down at her hands, the tears falling from her weary eyes.

"N-No, Mom. Mom, please tell me that…" Karma begs and Mrs. Ashcroft shakes her head as she lets out a heart wrenching sob, a sound that completely _snaps_ something inside of Karma.

"Baby, it's… it's _really_ bad. It's…it's Amy."

And suddenly, Karma's entire world goes the darkest and most painful shade of **black**.


	2. Chapter 2

The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most

Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.

Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft

Warnings: Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: WOW! I was not expecting that much response! Thank you guys, so much! Seriously! I loved reading each and every one of those reviews and seeing what you guys thought! I know that this rips out the feels of our Karmy Army. But there is a reason for all of this. Oh, there's some Kiam too; but, well, you'll see. ;)

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Karma has always had a hatred for hospitals, long before her GamGam took her very last breath in one. She supposes the hatred really started around the fourth grade when she had her tonsils out and the doctors warned her that she might never sing again. Ever since that moment, she swore that she would never step foot inside of this Austin hospital again.

Yet, here she is, wedged between Liam and Shane, both of them with one hand on her leg, trying to comfort her. If only they knew just how much she wanted to rip their heads off for even _touching_ her in the first place. She isn't really sure how this happened. Well, she knows _how_ this happened, at least, according to the Austin police that have been talking to a blubbering Farrah for the past twenty five minutes. She ran out in the intersection just as the light turned green, the cars didn't have a chance to stop before they hit her. She keeps hearing Farrah sob something about why would she run out before looking, she always taught her better than that, why was she in such a hurry but Karma could never bring herself to tell her that it was _her_ that Amy had been chasing. God, this is all _her fault_.

If she had just _stopped_, if she had just taken a _second_ to think, she would have _remembered. _Remembered that Amy is the type that will run after her, just to catch her up in her arms and hold her until everything would be okay. Amy would always come _after_ _her_. She should have **remembered** that before she darted across the busiest intersection in the heaviest storm Austin has seen in years.

Now, her best friend, girlfriend, whatever, is laying on a cold table, fighting for her life and it is all her _fault_. How could she have let this happen? Especially to _Amy_, the only person who has single handily given her everything that she has ever wanted in the blink of an eye. How could she let this happen to Amy?

As crazy as it seems, in the middle of all of the chaos all that Karma can hear is Amy's voice. In the middle of the pandemonium of an emergency room, of Farrah's ballistic sobbing, of Lauren's overdramatic sniffling, of Liam's gentle humming and Shane's squeezes and 'it'll be okay', all Karma can hear is _Amy_.

"_Maybe we could marry each other_."

She thought she was kidding when she mentioned that the day at her mother's bridal shower, after all, she threw in a joking 'my mother would just love that' with a crooked smile and a warm laugh. She simply shrugged it off and wrinkled her nose at her silly best friend, ignoring the fact that her heart practically skipped a beat at the thought of spending the rest of her life with her by her side. What if Amy hadn't been kidding? What if she seriously wanted to marry her and that is why she came after her when she bolted from the threesome?

But she couldn't, _could she_? Fuck, Amy Raundenfeld is as straight as they come-after all, she has had various crushes throughout her lifetime and in fact, she had been the one who grabbed Oliver and pulled him into a heated kiss. She is _straight_. And no matter what Karma may or may not have felt during the kiss, or no matter what she may or may not have been hinting toward that night in her bedroom, there is no possible way that Amy could even remotely _like_ her.

_"Maybe we could marry each other."_

So, why does that upset her so much? Why does the fact that the tomboyish blonde, who has held her so many nights as she cried, danced with her with a hairbrush in her hand, held her hair back while she threw up, and built blanket forts while they watched Netflix, could not possibly feel the same way back? She has been rejected before, God, she chuckles inwardly, and she could not count how many times. Yet, there is something gnawing at the back of her mind about Amy that she can't manage to shake.

What is this feeling? Does she actually _want_ Amy?

"_Maybe we could marry each other._"

Farrah's sobbing; even harder now and Karma can't remember the last time she took a breath as she gasps inwardly, allowing the oxygen to fill inside of her lungs. She is gripping so tightly to the arms of the chair she is sitting in, so tightly that her knuckles are turning white. Her stomach is churning quicker now as the world begins to spin. Fuck, what in the world is happening to her?

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

"Do you want something to drink?" It's Shane who asks and Karma tears her eyes away from the large, slowly ticking clock to glance at the raven haired boy. His smile is weak as the concern and worriment flickers within his dark brown eyes. He had been something entirely unexpected, someone she never could have seen in their lives before. After all, he is fabulously popular and everyone wants him to be their gay best friends-yet, he chose them. He chose _Amy_. She forces herself to smile weakly as she allows her fingers to thread with his and he squeezes them in reassurance, reminding her that she is not alone.

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

"Could you see if they have coffee?" She manages to mutter and Shane nods, allowing his free hand to brush her hair away from her face. There is so much love and adoration in his eyes that Karma wants to physically die. He loves her for all of the things that she is not- or hell, maybe she _is_, she hasn't quite decided.

"Sure, Hun. I will be right back, okay?" Shane whispers with a smile that is so forced that Karma almost finds it ironic. He leans forward, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead and the brunette wants nothing more than to curl up inside of him. By the time she opens her eyes again, Shane is gone and she is once again alone with her thoughts, with Amy's voice, with her dysfunctional heart.

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

"Hey, Karma." Fuck, she groans with a roll of her eyes. That's right, she _isn't_ alone, because beside of her sits her potential boyfriend, Liam Booker, his face sullen and distraught. She wonders how much of it is because of Amy's accident and how much of it is because she seriously hauled ass out of that motel room before he could ever put his hands on her, even though _she_ had _asked_ for the threesome. She has to bite the inside of her jaw to keep from letting out a heart wrenching sob as she looks at the handsome boy. Every single girl at Hester High spent their entire lives waiting for Liam to bat his long eyelashes at them; in fact, even Karma had been one of those girls just a few weeks ago. She thought she wanted him, she thought she _loved_ him. And maybe she did, maybe she honestly did care about Liam, but all she knows is that it doesn't quite feel the same as the way that she feels about Amy.

"_Maybe we could marry each other_."

"Karma, we need to talk." He reiterates, nudging her harder and she swallows, glancing over to the beautiful boy. He smiles at her weakly as he gently laces her fingers around his and begins to trace her fingertips with his rough thumb. Karma swears that she just might throw up.

"What happened back there? You seemed so into it at first, I mean, it was your idea and…"

"Liam, don't. Don't do this right now. I can't talk about this right now," Karma retorts, her voice dripping with hostility and Liam sighs, staring down at his scuffed shoes that keep kicking an invisible spot on the floor. He squeezes her hand tighter and Karma has to force herself to swallow the bile in her throat.

"I really like you, Karma Ashcroft. A lot. And I normally don't like girls, I just kinda… well I kinda bang 'em and that's it," Liam shrugs bashfully with a sigh, "but then you come along and you change that. At first, I just wanted to fuck you because you're a lesbian but now, I realize that I actually, _really_ have feelings for you. And I am sorry if it upset you that I kissed Amy first, I swear I don't like her…"

"No, but I do!" Karma snaps, jerking her hand away from Liam as she quickly stands, not caring how much of a scene she is causing. Liam looks around the waiting room, at the faces of all the strangers who are suddenly staring at him as if he placed a gun to the brunette's head. Shaking his head softly, Liam slowly stands to face the distraught girl.

"No, I know you do. She's you girlfriend and…" But Karma doesn't hear anything else because that infamous 'g' word keeps bouncing around inside of her muddled brain. _Girlfriend_. That's right; everyone thinks that Amy is her girlfriend. They think they are dating, that they have celebrated months and months of happy bliss together. Girlfriend. _Amy is her girlfriend_. Fuck, why does that sound so damn good right now? Why does the mere contemplation of the fact that Amy is her significant other make her mouth go dry?

_"Maybe we could marry each other."_

"Karma? Hey?" Liam snaps her back to reality as he places his hand on her shoulder, giving it a hard squeeze. Ripping her eyes away from a disheveled Farrah, she stares at the boy in front of her with a wrinkled brow. She wonders if this is what people who have English feel like when people speak to them, unable to concentrate, unable to comprehend.

"What?"

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

"I asked if you wanted to go out with me sometime. I mean, I know you and Amy have an open relationship. Maybe we could make this something more serious," Liam asks with a twinkle in his eyes and Karma almost thinks that she could potentially rip his head off with her bare hands, after all, there couldn't be in there for him to be acting this way. She laughs, _bitterly_, a sound that absolutely terrifies her because it almost sounds like an evil cackle.

"I know you are not serious right now, Liam Booker."

"Karma, I…" He trails off, his eyes pushing for more and she suddenly realizes that he is not kidding. She opens her mouth, gasping for a breath as she glances over at Farrah, who is losing her mind in the arms of her current husband as Lauren, the "ideal daughter" fawns over her. This family is falling apart. _She _is _falling apart_. They can't survive without Amy; she is the glue that holds them all in place. Did she ever tell her that? Did she ever tell her just how much she needs her?

"Are you seriously asking me out right now when my best friend, m-m-my girl-girlfriend is laying in there fighting for her life? Are you fucking _serious_ right now?!" Karma yells, her voice raising a few octaves and Liam shrugs, glancing down once more like a puppy that has just been kicked.

"_Maybe we could marry each other._"

"I just… this whole thing made me realize that your life could be over in a second, you know? One minute, I was making out with Amy and the next thing, you're running away and she's going after you and now she's… she's probably not going to make it and I don't want to look back at my life when it's over and wonder about all the things that I missed out on, you know? I just…losing Amy makes…" But he doesn't finish, however, because Karma's hand is slapping him _**hard**_ across his face, a sound that echoes throughout the hospital. She draws her hand back as if it is poison and the sudden amount of hatred in her eyes shakes Liam to the core of all that he is.

"I am not _**losing**_ Amy. She is going to make it. She is going to survive and she is going to go back to Hester and she will graduate and go off to college and everything is going to _work out_. She is **not** going to die. Not here, not today. First, you need to get that through your thick little skull. **SECONDLY**_**, **_how fucking dare you? How fucking dare you stand here in the waiting room as we wait to hear about my _**GIRLFRIEND**_'S condition and tell me that you know that we have an 'open' relationship and that we should make this something more serious. I don't… I don't want that. I don't…" Her voice is cracking as the tears begin to crash down her face, losing her ability to stay strong.

"_Maybe we could marry each other_."

The time around her seems to slow down as she looks around the waiting room. Farrah is looking at her with the weakest smile upon her face, her eyes swollen, her cheeks tear-stained. The woman who is a beauty queen now looks as if she has just crawled out from under some type of rock. Lauren, the one that always has a serious 'bitch' face, suddenly looks as if she has managed to lose her entire world, the life drained from her eyes. There are people, droves and droves of people in that waiting room, all of them just staring at her, just _waiting_. In the corner, she sees Shane, holding two cups of coffee in his hands and he is crying. Not that she thinks she is supposed to see it.

"I want Amy." She whispers so quietly that she thinks no one can hear her, but when Liam's head snaps up, she knows that he does. She opens her mouth to say something, to say _anything_ to deny that she might be in love with her best friend, but she can't. She can't deny it.

She can't fake it anymore.

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

"Amy Raundenfeld?" A doctor steps out in his blue scrubs and God, is that blood? Is that _Amy's blood_? She can't remember crossing the room or shoving herself between Lauren and Farrah, but suddenly, there she is, front line and center, staring at the doctor as if he had all the answers in the world.

"Is she…?" Karma can't tell which adult asked the question because all she knows is that she is staring at the doctor, waiting so impatiently for the answer. The tanned doctor sighs as he removes his scrub cap, his sullen face looking at them so achingly.

"I am Dr. Avery. I am the Head Resident on Amy's case. She's alive, but barely. She's…um… she has suffered a lot of internal injuries from the accident. We went in and tried to repair the injuries but she coded twice on the table and we almost didn't get her back, so now we just have to wait. She's not breathing on her own, so we had to intubate. She's on a ventilator right now. Right now, it's just… extremely tough and go. She's very critical. She's a fighter though, so don't count her out of the race just yet. She seems to be fighting for something, or someone. I am sorry that I don't have better news," Dr. Avery sighs, looking between the disheveled families.

Karma can't remember anything else; she cannot remember what other words came tumbling out of Dr. Avery's mouth or the sounds that came bellowing out of Farrah. All she could hear was Amy's voice, again and again, going around and around in her brain, like a merry-go-round that just could not stop. Over and over again, her sweet voice echoed through her brain in such a hopeful, happy way. She came _after_ her. She's dying _**because of her**_.

Before she could comprehend what she is doing, Karma's running. Hard. _Fast_. Bolting down the corridors of the hospital as the blinding tears pierce her dark brown eyes and her aching heart completely splinters into pieces so unfixable that she knows she will never be whole again. She runs and runs, because she knows that if she stops, her life really might just end.

_"Maybe we could marry each other."_

* * *

Karma has always hated heights-well; it's not heights per say that she is terrified of, but rather falling from some place extremely high. After all, even Sheldon Cooper said that the fear of falling was logical, but the fear of heights isn't. Yet, despite the fact that she feels like she might shit her pants at any moment, here she is, sitting on the roof of the hospital, her legs swinging over the edge. She had hoped to find Amy here, before the rational part of her brain clicked in and she realized that the chance of Amy meeting her on the roof would be one in a million.

But here she is, sitting just mere seconds from death, staring down at the small town that surrounds her. Her brown eyes flicker around looking, searching for answers, for _something_, for _anything_ that tells her that this is all going to be okay.

Nothing in her life makes sense anymore, not a single part of it. It doesn't make sense that her heart doesn't skip a beat when Liam Booker holds her hand; it doesn't make sense that she got butterflies in her stomach when Amy kissed her; it doesn't make sense that her best friend is laying in the hospital fighting for her life, because she chased after her. She _chased after her_ because she wanted to _help_ her. And look at what she caused Amy? Nothing **but** hurt.

She sucks in a hard, shaking cry as the cold tears stream down her face, the quiet sobs racking through her petite body. Every single thing hurts now; every inch of her small body, every breath that she takes, every blink of her eyelashes, it all _hurts_ without _Amy_.

"Karma?" A gentle voice calls out to her and she doesn't have to turn around to see exactly who it belongs to. Instead, she lets out another heart breaking cry as the owner of the voice gently sits down beside of her, an outstretched arm stretching across her shoulder, "Hey. Shhh. It's going to be alright."

"No, no it's not, Shane!" Karma bellows in a cry, looking into the eyes of the boy who looks just as heart-broken as she does, "It's not okay. Nothing about this is okay. I never should have asked her to join the stupid fucking threesome. Because then… then I wouldn't have… and she wouldn't have…" She hiccups in a cry as Shane gently rubs her back, watching her with curious eyes.

"Oh, Karma."

"I asked her to join a stupid fucking threesome with me and Liam Booker. Liam Booker. How fucking stupid am I? I have been lying this whole time! I am nothing but a fucking liar, Shane!" Karma basically yells, her fists thumping into his chest as the sobs shake through her small torso. She is crying so hard that her entire body is physically shaking, so hard that Shane almost swears that she is going to topple over the edge.

"Amy and I have been faking it. Not orgasms but being lesbians. We have been faking it so that I could be popular and I could get Liam Booker to notice me. And then he _did_ notice me. And I thought that I wanted him. I really thought that I did, I _really, really_ did. I wanted to want him. But then… but then took off her trench coat and I think I stopped faking," Karma hiccups in a cry as Shane just watches her with curious, _listening_ eyes.

"She took off her trench coat and she was in this…_sexy_ lingerie. And God, she was so sexy and so, so, so perfect. And then she kissed me. Like, she really kissed me and all I saw was fireworks and it was like she painted my life back into color. And then, suddenly, it was like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. Because my best friend _kissed_ me and my heart almost stopped. So, I ran. I ran because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle loving Amy and not Liam. I ran because I was fucking terrified. And she fucking followed me. She fucking followed me into the goddamn street and that's when the…" Karma chokes in another heart wrenching sob and Shane just lets out a sigh, the most heart breaking sigh as he kisses her forehead.

"Oh, honey. I… I don't know what to say." Shane whispers and Karma shakes her head, her face crumbling once again.

"She is fighting for her life because she was chasing after me to make sure that I was okay and I didn't have to balls to turn around and tell her that I love her. I love her, Shane_**. I FUCKING LOVE HER.**_ And now it is my fucking fault. It's my entire fault! She's fighting to for her life and it's my fault. I did this! I hurt her! I… I did this! It's me! I hurt her! I hurt her. Oh God, she doesn't know. She doesn't… Shane… I love her. Oh God, I'm sorry. I am _so, so, so, so_ sorry!" Karma wails, her fist pounding into Shane's chest time and time again.

She keeps hitting him, over, and over, and over and he sits there and simply just lets her. Mainly because she hits like an infant, but also because Shane knows that Karma needs him, she needs someone to hold her together right now when everything else is falling apart. And so, she hits him, time and time again; with each hit that she connects with, her heart shatters deeper in her chest and her cries become harder. She hits him relentlessly, until she physically cannot anymore and she falls into his chest, crumbling into him in the most heart wrenching sobs Shane has ever heard in his life.

She cries out of anger, out of fear, she cries for herself, but she cries for Amy.

"_Maybe we could marry each other."_

God, Karma sobs, clutching tightly to Shane's chest, she sure hopes they might even have the chance to do so.


	3. Chapter 3

The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most

Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.

Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft

Warnings: Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: You guys are seriously amazing with your reviews. I am so glad that you love this story as much as I love writing it. This chapter absolutely… God, the amount of love that I have for it but at the same time, it also made my heart ache and then fill with so much love at the same time. I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as I do. Oh, and I hope that you enjoy the classic Beatles song referenced in this chapter. Katie Stevens sang this when she was on American Idol and it really moved me, so you should give it a listen when that you find that context!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

According to recent studies, the human body does not begin to dream until around stage three and stage four. In stage three, there is an unconscious brain flow and the sleeper is less responsive to the environment that surrounds it. In the fourth stage of sleep, the sleeper is harder to awaken as they fall deeper and deeper into their dreams, allowing their bodies to thwart in action to the unconscious delta activity.

It is the in between stages of sleep that Karma Ashcroft finds herself. Her dreams had always been so very predictable. When she was a little girl, she always dreamed about Prince Charming and how he would swoop in on his white horse, save her from her brother Zen, and they would ride off into the sunset with romantic kisses and the promises for their future. When she turned eleven years old, her dreams shifted to her getting boobs and being asked out on her first real date by the hottest guy in the entire school. When she is fourteen years old, she starts to dream about the "dreamy" Liam Booker and his luscious long eyelashes and bashful smile. But now, her dreams are filled with something entirely different- or rather, someone entirely different.

Her dreams are now filled with Amy Raundenfeld, with her gorgeous blonde locks and her twinkling, gentle eyes. Her dreams are filled with Amy's soft touches, the way that she wraps her arms around her waist and pulled her into her kisses. Her dreams are filled with the sound of her laugh, with the way that their bodies intertwined around one another, hidden away under the covers watching House Hunters, as if nothing had ever happened. Her dreams are filled with stolen kisses, touches, and happily ever after's with her best friend.

So, when she feels herself waking up from the most pleasant dream about Amy's lips on hers, she cannot help but smile gently, stretching her arm outward to pull her friend closer. However, when she is met with nothing but cold, silky sheets, her heart does nothing but absolutely plummet to the pit of her stomach. Squinting as she opens her eyes to perhaps the harshest lighting she has ever seen, she glances around the room to try to find the doting blonde but suddenly nothing is familiar.

Where in the hell even _is _she? This is not her room and this obviously is not Amy's room, Amy would have ever painted her walls that color. Also, Amy hates silk sheets because she swears that one day when she jumps into her bed, she is just going to keep rolling out into the floor. Fuck, Karma a gasp as a sudden pressure begins to rest upon her chest, where is_ she_? Oh God, she chokes as she jolts forward until she is sitting in the bed, the burning tears beginning to blind her. _She has been kidnapped_. This is just like an episode of 48 Hours except no one will know that she is missing because everyone is with Amy. _Amy_, fuck, it is getting harder and harder to breath, Amy is fighting for her life and she has been _kidnapped_. She is going to be assaulted and raped and murdered and Amy is never going to know… she is never going to know… _shit_. She has to get out of here, she gasps harder with a choke, suddenly thrashing to get the silk sheets out from under her body.

"Hey! Hey! Karma! Karma, shh! It's okay!" A friendly voice calls out to her and Karma's eyes dart to across the room into the corner where Shane sits, a coffee mug in one hand and the other rubbing what she assumes to be a tear away from his cheek. Gasping harder, Karma rakes her fingers through her tangled, brunette curls, her eyes studying the young man as he slowly stands, his joints popping in resistance towards the movement.

It is when he starts walking closer to Karma that she realizes how much of a mess he actually is. Her whole life she has known Shane Harvey and her whole life, she has always known him to be nothing short of a sharped dress man. He had always been rocking the nicest sweater vests, with the most spotless shoes, the perfect hairstyle and a dotting, thousand watt grin to accessorize. But now, his eyes are puffy, his face is drained, he is supporting a five o'clock shadow and he looks like he has not changed his clothes in the past three days. He also looks like he has not slept in the past year, either, Karma observes. Shane has always looked like a model that jumped straight off the cover of GQ magazine, but now, he looks like some kind of river monster that has finally lurched out under its rock for the first time in months.

"How did… I mean… how did…" Karma stutters, her mind still trying to make sense of what has happened. Shane smiles softly as he gently takes a seat beside of her on the bed, his hand finding its way to the curve of her leg. Normally, she would be swatting away any male advancements in a situation like this, _especially_ after sleeping in their bed the whole night, but when it's Shane, well, Karma finds his touches a special kind of comforting.

"You passed out. _Hard_. I mean, harder than I do after my caffeine wears off between third and fourth period. You even fell asleep on Lauren, which means that you must have been terribly exhausted to fall asleep on that boney bag of bitchness. So, I called the doctor and he said that Amy wouldn't be up for visitors until at least sometime today because they were going to take her back into surgery. I asked Lauren to text me when she heard something, to which she reluctantly agreed, mainly because Farrah made her. So, then, I picked you up and brought you back here, to which you have been sound asleep in my bed. In fact, I'm pretty sure there was some droolage going on," Shane replies with a wrinkle of his nose as he takes a sip of his steaming hot coffee and Karma stares at him with wide eyes and he shrugs, "What? Were you not aware that you were a _very_ heavy sleeper? Like, you should probably be tested for that."

"You brought me back to your house and let me sleep in your bed?" Karma asks in disbelief and Shane nods with a gentle smile, squeezing her leg softly in reassurance.

"Well, I couldn't exactly let you sleep in the hospital. Especially since it's very vital that you look cute and perfect when Ms. Amy Raundenfeld opens her eyes, so that she can see you and it can truly be love at first sight and then I can say that I helped my lesbian friends realize just how _perfect_ they desperately are for one another," Shane winks, taking another drink of his coffee. Karma's face relaxes in a gentle smile, leaning into Shane as he puts his arm around her.

"You are a really good friend, Shane. Amy's lucky to have you. And so am I," Karma smiles softly, placing a chaste kiss upon his scruffy face before she snuggles back into his side, "so, if I slept in your bed, where did you sleep?" Shane chuckles with a bitter laugh as he runs his fingers through Karma's curly locks before he hands the coffee mug to his friend.

"I didn't. Thank God for coffee, right?" Shane laughs but Karma simply shakes her head as she pulls away, looking at him with the utmost concern and the young boy just shrugs his shoulders with a heavy sigh, "How could I? My entire life has just been turned upside down. Amy is the first real person who wanted to be my friend not _just because I'm gay_. She is the only person who just totally gets where I am coming from when I speak. And then she's suddenly in an accident after a threesome that I…" His voice trails off as he lets out another deep sigh, "besides, someone had to make sure that you were okay and didn't try to do something stupid in the middle of the night."

"Right, well thanks, I should probably get going. Amy might wake up," Karma exclaims as she stands from the bed, much to Shane's dismay. Shaking his head with a grumble, Shane also stands, clutching tightly to the liquid in his hand.

"Wait, so, we're just not going to talk about it?" asks Shane.

"Talk about what?" Karma retorts, wrinkling her brow as she looks at the boy. Shane rolls his eyes, walking over to his closet as she opens the door, pulling out a dress and throwing it to his friend. When Karma looks at him in the utmost confusion, the boy cannot do anything but smile the most genuine smile that she has ever seen in her life.

"What? I couldn't let you _in that _be the first thing that Amy wakes up to. It might ruin the whole fairy tale happily ever after thing I am imagining in my head," Shane chuckles and Karma just rolls her eyes with a laugh as she begins to undress. Any other time she would be worried about being modest, but right now, with Shane, she really just doesn't care; after all, it is not like _he_ is going to jump _her_ bones. "And I meant, aren't we going to talk about what you said last night?"

"Why would we talk about that?" Karma grunts as she unbuttons her jeans, trying to shimmy out of them and Shane watches in the utmost curiosity- God, being a girl looks like so much hard work.

"Jeez, Karm, I don't know. Maybe it is because you slapped your potential boyfriend in the face and you sat on the rooftop with me until half past the crack ass of dawn and admitted to me that, not only have you been faking being lesbians with Amy, but you also might, possibly have feelings for her. That sounds like something that needs to be talked about," Shane explains, standing in front of his mirror as he begins to straighten the collar on his shirt and Karma just huffs, trying to quickly put the dress over her shoulders.

"Oh yeah, that. Yeah, I really don't want to talk about that. There's no point in it, anyways. It's not like it's going to change the situation," Karma sighs, trying diligently to tame the hair that has so much volume this morning that it could possibly have its own zip code. Shane shakes his head as he glances over at the girl, a bottle of cologne in his hand.

"What do you mean it won't change the situation? It very well could change _everything_. For you, for Liam, for Amy, for _everyone_," Shane states, shaking his head as he sprays the cologne on himself.

"Right, because telling my _straight_ best friend- the best friend might I add, that I was the one who asked her to _fake_ being lesbians with me in the first place- that I might have feelings for her. Telling my _straight_ best friend, of so many years that we could give Oprah and Gayle a run for their money, the one that I asked to join the threesome so that I could lose my virginity to Liam Booker, the one that _ran after me_ in the middle of the street and got _ran over_ because of _**me**_, that I have all of these lesbian feelings for her, is going to change everything for the better. God, Shane, it might actually cause her to die. So, no, I'm not going to tell her. I'm not telling anyone. And don't make me regret telling _you_," Karma snaps, sending a glare at the gay boy before she grabs her jacket from the off the post of his bed.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on my best friend," Karma rejoinders in hostility, attempting to storm past the raven haired boy. However, what falls out of Shane's mouth next might just shake Karma to the core of all that she is.

"What if I told you that Amy liked you too?" Shane blurts out before he can catch himself and Karma suddenly stops, turning sharply on her heels as she looks at the boy. Suddenly realizing what he has done, Shane's hand goes over his mouth as he lets out a gasp and Karma's mouth is so far ajar that she might just have to pick it up off the floor.

"Wa-Wait. Wh-What did you say?"

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gay Scouts Honor. I'm going to straight hell for this," Shane grumbles, burying himself deep in a face palm. Karma rolls her eyes at his overly dramatic antics, throwing her leather jacket down upon his bed as she takes his shoulders in her hands, squeezing them hard until his eyes are staring into hers.

"What did you say, Shane? Amy likes me? What do you know? You _have_ to tell me." Demands Karma and Shane lets out a disgruntled sigh, falling down upon the edge of the bed as he runs his hands through his hair.

"Amy likes you, Karma. She has for a very long time now. She's liked you since she first kissed you that day when you were running for Homecoming Court," Shane answers but Karma just look at him in bewilderment, her brows so deeply wrinkled that Shane cannot tell where one eyebrow begins and the other one ends.

"Then why did she go along with faking this for so long? An…and… why would she even… why would she even agree to go through with the fucking threesome thing if she _liked_ me? Fuck, Amy, why wouldn't she say anything?" Karma chokes back a cry and Shane lets out a gentle sigh, shrugging his shoulders before he looks up at her with so much admiration and love in his eyes that Karma thinks that she might just burst inside.

"She knew that you liked Liam, that's why she did it for so long. She wanted to make you happy. She wanted you to be the happiest because you made her the happiest. She wanted you to feel the way that you made her feel inside. And she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to grow apart. She said that you guys knew everything about each other and she didn't want you to meet in a grocery story line and say polite hellos and pretend like you never knew one another. She never wanted to lose you, Karma. And so she did whatever she could to keep you and to keep you happy. She agreed to the threesome because she wanted to see if you felt anything for her; she was actually going to back out and I encouraged her to do it. I encouraged her to do it because she loves you and she deserved to know that if you loved her back. I tried to make her date other people but she wouldn't," Shane exhales, the tears burning within his eyes.

"She's a Karmasexual. She said that she didn't want to love anyone else. So, I'm assuming that's what she wanted to tell you during the threesome. She loves you, Karma. She always _has_." He informs her, a twinkle within his eyes that Karma can't tell if it is because of the tears or if it is the all knowing smile upon his face. Shaking her head as she bites her bottom lip, Karma grabs the jacket from the bed, slowly walking backward across Shane's floor.

"I…I…I've got to go. I've got to… I have to get to Amy." Karma sputters and when Shane looks up from the spot on the floor in which he had been staring, Karma is already gone. Exhaling deeply, Shane falls back onto his bed, burying his head deep within the pillows as he lets out a cry. Because for the first time since this whole accident came to light, he suddenly no longer has to be strong, not for Amy's family, not for Karma, not even for himself. So, he begins to let it out, all the fear and secrets that he has hidden inside of himself, and he cries for the first time in forever.

* * *

In traumatic situations, an individual manages to drive on autopilot, the go through the motions without actually thinking about it. The brain is too focused on the traumatic events, on all of the things that stress out the human body to comprehend the fact that it is actually doing bodily functions. It is because of this reason that Karma cannot remember getting in her car, driving to the hospital, _where in the hell she even parked the car_, or if she even thought to put on deodorant before she left Shane's house. But suddenly, here she is, bursting through the doors at the Intensive Care Unit, getting glances from groups and groups of families; families that are probably feeling the same emotion that she is feeling right at this very point.

Nodding her head quietly in respect, Karma pushes herself forward, glancing over the room until she finds Lauren, Farrah and Bruce sitting in the corner. Farrah looks like she has been through the emotional ringer, Bruce looks stoic and solemn, as if his future wife's life is not about to entirely fall apart should her daughter not make it, and Lauren, somehow, looks a lot less bitchy and a lot more small. Lauren Cooper has ever look _so small_ in her life, Karma sighs. Biting her bottom lip nervously, she walks over to the family, her dark eyes flickering from their faces.

"Hey guys. Has anyone heard anything?" Karma asks and Farrah smiles sadly at the young girl with a quiet nod of her head, before Bruce speaks up, taking his wife's frail hand within his own, giving it the most loving and reassuring squeeze that Karma has ever seen in her life.

"You just missed Doctor Avery. He has not been out of surgery very long. They went back in and tried to repair as much of her injuries as they could. She had a lot of injuries to her organs and they had to remove her spleen. She had a lot of work done; they had to give her a blood transfusion because she lost so much blood. They had to put some screws and pins into her hips and they don't…" Bruce gulps as he looks at Farrah sadly, "she'll have to learn to walk again. That's…well… that's if she can. Right now, she's in a medicated coma. They want to see if she will come out of this first before they do any more work to her. She's been through a lot of surgeries since last night." Nodding her head quietly, Karma gently tucks a stray hair behind her ear.

"Wh-What about visitors?"

"About that," Lauren speaks up, looking at both Farrah and Bruce who both nod all knowingly, "she is only allowed one visitor right now because of her condition. So, we three got together and we took a vote," she states, looking up at Karma as they make eye contact and for the first time since she has known Lauren Cooper, she thinks of how fragile she looks, "we voted for it to be you."

"M-Me, what?" Karma gasps and Lauren rolls her eyes with a grunt.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, it's not because we condone whatever this is. It's just because…" Lauren looks at Farrah before she shakes her head, "no, listen, Karma, I'm going to cut the shit here."

"Lauren Cooper!" Bruce exclaims.

"I'm going to cut the shit, Amy likes you. She loves you. She loves you a whole lot. More than I ever thought a person could love another individual. She will want to live if you're the one that is sitting beside of her bed, not if it is the three people who have done nothing but ostracized her for loving you. You're the only one who could probably get Amy through this. So, you go." Lauren states so simply before she stands, placing her hand on Karma's shoulder reassuringly, "you're the one that she wants to save her. And for the love of God, could you just _be_ that person for her?" And it is in that moment, Karma realizes that Lauren is actually _begging_ her.

Shit, what is this world coming to?

* * *

When she first steps into the room, Karma swears that she absolutely forgets how to breathe. Lying in the hospital bed before her is a swollen and bruised version of her best friend, with tubes and monitors and so many wires sticking out from around her. She is so broken that she doesn't even _look_ like Amy anymore. There is an ache in her chest, an ache that unequivocally aches her to the core of everything that she has ever known.

She forces herself forward until she is standing beside of the bed, glancing down at the body of Amy that rests so peacefully below her. Her face is bruised and swollen, with gashes and dried blood painting her painfully beautiful face. Her body looks so broken, so fragile, and Karma can't stop the bile that is rising in her throat.

Eyes burning with tears, she takes a seat next to the bed, her hand gently taking Amy's within her own, and her thumb gently brushing over her fingertips. She stares at her with so much hope, with so much admiration, with so much _love_ that Karma knows nothing else in the world could ever compare. _Nothing_ in the world could ever compare to the way that she feels about Amy- not even Liam Booker. This is more than _just_ love; it is so much more than words would never be able to explain. Sniffling, she reaches forward as she gently strokes Amy's tender face.

"I am sorry that I never had the chance to tell you just how beautiful that I think you are. I am sorry that I never told you that I got butterflies when you kissed me or that I always forgot how to breathe when you looked at me. I'm sorry that I never told you just how _special_ and _perfect_ I think you are. And I am even more sorry that I never told you that I might be in love with you," Karma stops with a cry, trying so desperately to hold them at bay, "but I promise you, that if you live for me, I will spend every day telling you just how _perfect_ and _amazing_ you are and how _lucky_ I am to have you in my life, Amy Raundenfeld." She whispers so quietly, staring at Amy, although she does not really know why. She does not know why there is a breath caught in her chest as she waits for Amy to respond. Instead, she lets out the deepest sigh, biting her bottom lip before the weakest smile appears on her lips.

"I know what will cheer you up, Ames. This song always used to make you feel better as a kid." Karma whispers, placing a kiss upon her hand as a deep smile begins to appear on her face as she closes her eyes so tightly that she can see stars.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mary Mother comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be," Karma sings so sweetly that she cannot the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"And when the broken hearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer. Let it be, for though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Yeah there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be." Karma hums, her fingers gently brushing against Amy's perfect jawline, the silent tears falling down her cheeks as the melody moves through her, as the love oozes from her mouth with every word, every _syllable._

"Let it be, let it be. Ah, let it be, yeah let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine on until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be." Karma leans forward, placing her lips so softly to the skin above Amy's ear, whispering the lyrics through soft kisses.

"Yeah, let it be. Let it be, let it be, yeah let it be. Oh, there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, yeah let it be. Oh there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Ah let it be, yeah let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, Amy," Karma whispers, her voice breaking in the softest whisper of the tune, nuzzling her nose softly against Amy's ear.

And when Amy squeezes her hand in return, Karma thinks her heart might just explode.


	4. Chapter 4

The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most

Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.

Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft

Warnings: Language

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: Thanks everyone for all your support with this story so far! This is one of my favorite chapters to write because you can see considerate Karma growth in this chapter. Also, there's some Karmy in here. I am hoping that you guys will be pleased. I certainly am. Also, let's all congratulate ourselves on getting a season two! Let's go, Karmy Army!

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**Chapter Four**

The minutes turned to hours and the hours turned to days, which turned to a week; a whole week of not knowing anything about whether the person that they all loved would live or a die. A week of missed classes, of sleep deprivation, of a lot of lattes and thousands of boxes of tissues as her heart waited by baited breath in her throat. It had been exactly one hundred and sixty eight hours since she last spoke to Amy, the longest the two of them had ever went without communication. One hundred and sixty eight hours since she last heard her sweet voice whisper to her that she was the Lucy to her Ethel and that no matter what happened, they could always curl up and watch House Hunters at the end of the day.

One hundred and sixty eight hours since Karma Ashcroft was last able to look at her best friend and think that the stars and the moon hung within her beautiful swirls. One hundred and sixty eight hours since she last felt _complete_. It has been the longest time that she has ever spent away from Amy; away from those glistening eyes of hope and forgiveness; away from the one thing that somehow absolutely gives her purpose in her life. Perhaps she never noticed exactly _how_ much purpose Amy Raudenfeld brought to her life until those one hundred and sixty eight hours passed _without_ her.

It had been a long week spent at Austin Memorial Hospital. She had barely slept _any_, and when she did, her sleep had been filled of nightmares about Amy that left her all swaddled up in Shane's blankets. She had been crashing at Shane's ever since the accident- her house reminded her too much of Amy and the hospital had certainly been no place for sleeping. Shane had been more than excited to oblige to one half of his favorite lesbian couple- but, also, because Shane did not want to be alone with this just as much Karma. They found solace within one another; in corny jokes and fashion tips and longing hugs.

Shane _missed_ Amy and Karma _could not_ _breathe _without her.

Fuck, did she not know that?

Karma never thought that she would be as close to one of the most popular boys in school as she is. However, it had been Amy's friendly smile and gentle heart that brought Shane into their lives to stay permanently. As it turns out, Amy is constantly changing her life, whether Karma knows about it. _This_ moment, right here, in this Austin hospital as she struggles to find herself, she realizes that Amy has changed her _irrevocably. _There will never be another Amy Raudenfeld in her life; there will never be another person on the entire face of the planet for as long as she shall live that she could possibly love as much as she loves Amy.

Leaning against the coffee machine in the lounge, she swirls the steaming hot liquid in her Styrofoam cup, her nails pressing into the sides so deeply that she can feel it crumbling beneath her touch. Amy is like that now; she exhales in thought, so breakable that just one poor touch could leave her crumbling. Doctor Avery had done numerous surgeries to fix her internal injuries, which had been much, much worse than anything Karma could have ever imagined. He restructured Amy's hip which had been crushed in the accident; he had mentioned something about how she would have to learn how to walk again. Dr. Avery also mentioned something about she had several blood transfusions, she has coded a handful of times. After a while, all of the medical talk turns to mumbles and Karma just listens to hear the words that Amy is still _alive._

_ "_Oh, Karma. I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't know that you were in here," Looking up from the distilled coffee, Karma finds herself looking at a much disheveled Farrah. God, had Farrah even _slept_ since this all happened? Karma could not imagine what she is going through, first she lost her husband and now, she is losing her daughter. Sure, Farrah is uptight, and she might be a little…unevolved, but at the end of the day, Amy had been her _daughter_, the one thing she had been meant to protect.

"No, no, you can stay, Mrs. Raudenfeld," Karma smiles weakly and Farrah forces back a returning smile before she sits down on the couch with a rather unlady like groan. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Karma is searching for something to say to the woman, something that might remotely make this situation a little bit easier. Perhaps she should tell her the truth, give her the answers as to what Amy had been doing out that night and why she was in such a hurry. Or maybe she should tell her about how _perfect_ her daughter is and how she has done such a good job raising her, even after the death of her husband.

"Farrah," She states bluntly and Karma cannot help but look at her quizzically, to which the woman smiles warmly. Karma could not remember the last time that Farrah actually _smiled_ at her like that, "you should call me Farrah. You're family now. You're my daughter's… well, you know. We shouldn't have to be formal."

It's an olive branch and you had best fucking believe that Karma is going to take it, running. Smiling softly in return to the fragile woman, Karma tucks her shirt downward as she takes a seat beside of her. There is an awkwardness that hangs in the air between them, yet, also, a connection that would bind them for the rest of their lives- _Amy_.

"Right. Farrah," Karma tilts her head as she says her name, a wide, playful grin on her face, "huh. You know that sounds incredibly weird. Not your name. I just mean saying your name. Well, like that. Because my whole life you've…" But Farrah interrupts her tirade as she gently places her hand on her knee, giving it the most reassuring squeeze.

"I think I owe you an apology, sweetheart." She whispers.

"You owe me an apology? Why?" At this, Farrah sucks in a breath, running her fingers through her hair anxiously. Is she actually _nervous_? Karma gulps as she studies the woman; the woman who had always managed to seem so strong, so proud, suddenly seemed so weak and helpless. Biting her bottom lip softly, Farrah's eyes dart from the spot on the wall in which she had been staring to study Karma's chocolate brown swirls. She looks so much different now, Farrah studies with a sigh, so _grown up_.

"These past few months I have still been seeing you as the little girl that Amy brought home from the playground that day. I'll never forget that, she was all covered in mud and I yelled at her. I said "Amy Raudenfeld, what in the world have you gotten yourself into?' and she looked me square in the eye and said 'Momma, these boys were being mean to this little girl so I beat them up because they made her cry'. And you stepped out from behind her in the _cutest_ little dress and begged me not to ground Amy because you wanted her to come to your birthday party," Farrah recalls with a tender smile, "the two of you were pretty much inseparable ever since then. There was always sleep overs and birthday parties and trips to the park and the beach. You made her play dress up and would put her in the _cutest_ little girly things and she would make you reenact those stupid Disney movies with her. I guess I never really let you grow up, and that was not necessarily fair of me." She takes a breath, looking at Karma before she glances back down at the floor.

"I am sorry that I have not been fair to you since Amy came out about your relationship. It was not right of me to judge you or your parents for the lifestyle that you are living. I guess I was just scared," Farrah huffs in a muttered breath, as if she had been so ashamed of herself to make the statement. Karma shakes her head in confusion, her fingers gently lacing around the older woman's as she gives them the softest squeeze to remind her that she is not alone.

"Afraid of what? I mean, you're way prettier than me and you could probably take me in any kind of physical contact," Karma jokes and Farrah forces a smile, rolling her eyes softly. Sometimes her mannerisms mimic Amy's so much that it almost _hurts._

"I was afraid of _**you**_, Karma. I saw the way that Amy looked at you, even as little kids. That girl would go to hell and back for you and she did, _**many**_ times. She would have moved the mountains and the sky if God had given her ability to. I was afraid because at five years old, Amy had already found the one person that gave her purpose in life. And as ya'll started to grow up, I thought maybe I had just been imagining it. But then, at the Homecoming when Amy put that crown on her head, I realized I hadn't been. She looked me square in the eye and put that crown on her head, there was no fear, Karma. _Despite_ the fact that she knew how Bruce and I felt about… about the gays," Farrah took a breath, tucking a stray hair back behind her ear as she studies the brunette.

"I was afraid because Amy found her purpose in you. At five years old. She loves you so truly and so deeply that no other love will ever compare to that. She found it early. A lot earlier than I did, assuming that I have even found it at all. I was afraid because I was losing my little girl. But now I realize that I lost her that day on the playground when you came up to her in that dress," Farrah paused with a chuckle, taking a handkerchief from her purse and gently wiping her nose with it. And suddenly, Karma is completely speechless, _breathless_. She searches Farrah's face, her lips moving to say something but there are no words. There are simply no words to convey what she is trying to say, to convey how she _feels_.

"Farrah, I… I never meant to take your daughter away from you. I just…"

"I need you to answer me something, Karma," Farrah asks so sharply that Karma almost gets whiplash in the change of tone of the conversation. Nodding fervently, Karma squeezes her new mother-in-law's hand so reassuringly that she is almost sure that she broke it.

"Do you love Amy? More than as your best friend? I need to know that you love her. The kind of love where you are afraid to go to sleep because you know that it means that she isn't going to be there for a little while and that you hate that feeling. I need to know that you love her so deeply, so fiercely that no other love will compare. I need to know that you love her at least half as much as she loves you," Farrah demands the question and Karma feels like an elephant just died and fell onto her chest. It had been the _extremely_ loaded question that she had been running from since the faux threesome attempt in the motel room that night. And still, even after everything else, she does not quite know how to answer the question. Wrinkling her brow, she lets out a long exhale, withdrawing her hand as she leans back into the couch, clawing at the inside of her palms and biting the inside of her jaw so hard that she thinks that she will honestly draw blood.

"I am only fifteen years old. I don't exactly know what _love_ means right now," Karma retorts in a matter-of-fact voice. It had been a knee jerk response, one that came out of her mouth before she even realized. And yet, it had been very truthful.

"Right. Well, I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't even be here. Amy would absolutely die if she knew that I was even trying to threaten you to tell me about your feelings," Farrah responds, placing her hand on Karma's knee as she gives it a reassuring squeeze before she stands. However, with eyes squeezed tightly closed and drops of blood staining under her fingernails, Karma lets out a sharp breath and words suddenly begin tumbling.

"I don't know what love is. I don't. And I'm not going to pretend like I do. But I know that if I did, it would be Amy. When I look at her, it's like…suddenly everything in my entire life made sense. Everything that I have gone through, all the heartbreak and the struggles, it had to happen so that it would bring me to this point-with her. I know that when she touches me, it's like… it's like…" Karma pauses with a chuckle, a tear slipping down her cheeks, "it's like there is this fire that pulses through my veins. And when she smiles at me, there are butterflies, fucking butterflies like crazy. I know that when I'm away from Amy for anything more than ten minutes I think I am going to explode before I see her again. When I am having a bad day, she's the only one who can make it better. I remember the little things about her; so much so that I have cut peanut butter out of my life. I know that she makes me _better_. And when she looks at me, like, when she _really_ looks at me, I'm home."

"Karma,"

"I don't know what love is. I don't. But I would like to think that Amy is it," Karma cries, her fingers twisting in her hair as her voice breaks, the tears sliding down her cheeks so quickly that she had no chance to remotely stop them. And suddenly, before she ever realizes what is happening, Farrah's arms are around her and they are holding onto each other so tightly as if the world might stop if they let go of one another. Both women, so fragile and broken, are holding onto the only piece of Amy they have left as a very familiar bond links their hearts together- _love_.

* * *

Karma has always wanted children. Ever since she had been a little girl, she always imagined herself with a white picket fence and 3 children, two boys and a girl, a golden retriever and a wraparound porch. However, _Amy_ had never quite seen the fascination with children. When they had been little girls, Karma always had to force her to play house and when she did, she had always chosen to be the dad who had been away a lot. At first, Karma just thought it had been because of the fact that she lost her father at a very young age; but as they grew older, the brunette realized that Amy really just didn't want kids. It had been a realization that kind of broke her heart, really.

She always wondered what a child with Amy would look like- would it have Amy's witty personality? Would it have her smile? Would it have Amy's good heart and her gentle nature? Would it have Karma's hair? Would it have Karma's eyes? Would it have her talent and her ability to make everyone laugh? Amy had been the cutest little girl in their entire class, and the baby pictures that adorn the wall to the staircase prove that she also had been the _cutest_ baby in the whole entire world. She would have loved to have a chance to create that kind of life with her best friend, or girlfriend, or whatever complicated label they were.

Smiling in at the nursery, Karma leans against the wall, her eyes scanning over the various baby beds. There were babies from all different parts of life in this nursery, of all different types of races, with all different types of stories. Her favorite, however, had been the little boy whose bed is right in front of the window. He had been born yesterday, eight pounds and six ounces, twenty five inches long and he already had the biggest, _gummiest_ smile down. In fact, he had done nothing but smiled at Karma every time that she managed to look at him.

"Which one is yours?" A voice calls out from behind her shoulder and Karma glances back, smiling gently at the boy who steps up to the window beside of him. God, she had never meant to hurt him, just like she had never meant to hurt Amy. She never meant to do _any_ of this.

"Well, considering that I have a girlfriend, I _think_ it would be pretty damn impossible for any of these little squirts to be mine. I know that my general understanding of biology is shaky but I'm pretty sure that you need a penis to reproduce. And neither Amy nor I have one of those," Karma replies with a chuckling grin and Liam laughs as well, leaning his shoulder against the window frame as he peers inside.

"I'm sorry." They both say in unison, which results in laughter from them both.

"You first," Liam smiles and Karma nods her head, sucking in a breath as she pushes her fingers through her hair. She looks at him for a long moment, before she looks back in at the babies- finding her favorite little boy and smiling at him, something that gets a gummy response. He kicks his legs, his little hands extending outward towards her, a tiny sparkle within his eyes. He is only a few hours old, so young, so naïve and Karma cannot help but feel a little jealous of his innocence.

"I never meant to hurt you, Liam. I really didn't. You are such a handsome boy and girls practically throw themselves at you when you walk past. And I _wanted_ to want you. God knows that I _really_ did. I _wanted_ to want you and I _wanted_ you to _want_ me back. But I can't make myself want you. And I can't make myself love you. I can't… not when… I have been running so long from something that terrified me but I can't fake it anymore, I can't lie about it anymore. Not when it hurts you and especially not when it hurts her. I love her, Liam. I love her and it scares the living _shit_ out of me, but I do. And I can't try to give you my heart, or my body, or whatever else it is that you want when all of that belongs to Amy. I guess it always has," Karma declares and suddenly, the verbal announcement takes her breath away. Gasping softly, she places her hand over her heart and fights the tears out of her eyes. Nodding his head, Liam runs his hands over his face as he lets out a harsh breath.

"You sure you're not just a little bit straight for me? You're _really_ hot," Liam begs and Karma laughs, shaking her head as she nudges him softly.

"I'm sorry. I just want Amy. I want to spend the rest of my life with Amy. I guess you never really had a chance, no one did, really," Karma replies, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. Liam laughs, rolling his eyes, nudging the brunette back with a different twinkle in his eye now.

"Liam Booker strikes out because of Amy? _Amy Raudenfeld?_ _**Seriously**_?!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Karma threatens, stepping forward with her chest slightly thrust out in front of her. Suddenly, she is hovering over Liam and even though Karma may weigh 140 pounds soaking wet and probably hits with as much power as cotton balls, the boy gulps with wide eyes and quickly stepping backward, his hands held out in front of him, surrendering.

"Nothing! I just didn't realize that you were already psycho girlfriend over her. It's terrifying," Liam states, his eyes wide as he lets out a nervous breath and when Karma falls back on her heels, he smiles at her again, "but also, it's kind of cute. I guess you really _are_ crazy for her. And it wasn't fair for me to try to split you two up. I usually have more morals than to be a home wrecker but because you two are females, I guess my body made an exception. I also should have never forced you to talk to me about what happened. It wasn't really fair."

"None of this is fair, Liam. And nothing you did _was_ fair. You _shouldn't_ have pursued me knowing that I was in a relationship. You _shouldn't_ have gone along with the whole threesome idea. You _shouldn't_ have kissed Amy right in front of me. And you most certainly _should not_ have corned me in the middle of the fucking waiting room and demand that I make things more serious with you. There are a lot of things that you _should not_ have done because they were not fair. Not to you, not to me, and _especially _**not** to Amy," Karma snaps, squinting at him as he manages to shrink ad she lets out a ragged breath before running her fingers through her hair.

"Amy hated you. But even though she hated you, she let you hang around because she is a nice person and thought that it would make me happy. So, because of that, I'm not going to murder you. After all, you were just trying to make the both of us happy," Karma shrugs, biting her bottom lip nervously, "how were you supposed to know that I was actually one hundred and ten percent in love with Amy when even I wasn't?" To this, Liam just looks at her with a sad, but still comforting smile upon his face. It is moments like this, when the rest of her world is falling apart, that she wishes that she could just _like_ Liam; after all, it would make her life a hell of a lot simpler.

"I'm cool with just being friends, you know? I do have people that are _just_ friends. Like Shane, for example," Liam replies with a twinkle in his eye and Karma laughs so hard that it nearly startles the baby through the glass. Smiling in at the little tyke, she shakes her head, placing her hand affectionately on his broad shoulder.

"You and Shane Harvey are just friends _just_ like how Amy and I were **just** friends," Karma laughs and Shane wrinkles his brow, shaking his head at her. Before she has time to react, Liam's arms are around her, pulling her into a hug. She wants to resist, she wants to wiggle away and remind him that she does not want anything from him. However, there is something extremely comforting about being buried deep within Liam Booker's strong arms.

"Karma! Come quick! It's Amy!" The cracking voice of a panicked Shane shakes Karma completely.

* * *

There is a certain amount of speed that one reaches when the thought of the person that they love is in serious trouble. It is like the speed of sound and the speed of light have nothing anywhere _close_ to just how quick Karma Ashcroft is bolting through the hospital. There had not been enough time for the elevator, so she practically flew down the stairwell; knocking over doctors and practically plowing down a pregnant lady who she is not sure if she is giving birth to a human or to an alien. She also almost tripped and rolled her ankle, but there was not any time for that; there is absolutely no time to deal with her own pain.

Amy _needs_ her.

She practically mows over a tiny girl who is jabbering excitedly in the waiting room about how her Daddy gets to come home today after his accident. Her mother practically scowls at her and Karma makes a mental note to apologize to the young girl later, but right now there is no time. There is just simply _not_ enough time.

Bolting through the door of Amy's room, she pushes her way through the sea of people that included Lauren, Shane, Bruce, a couple of nurses, a crumbling Farrah and Doctor Avery who stood, very solemnly and quiet by her bed side. Karma watches him carefully with squinted eyes as he places his stethoscope onto Amy's chest, listening carefully before he sighs, nodding at his nurses, his eyes glued to the clock on the wall. Karma watches as he scribbles something in his notes and she swears that her heart completely plummets into her toes.

Fuck, _no_. No, this can't _be_. This _cannot_ be happening. She _finally_ realized what Amy had been trying to tell her for months now, she cannot lose her. She can't realize that she is in love with her best friend, only to have her best friend ripped away from her. Her knees are buckling, the tears are burning and suddenly Karma's dry mouth is filled with the metallic taste of blood. _Fuck_, is she _bleeding_?

As her mind races in a thousand different directions, her heart beating erratically, and her knees practically giving way beneath her, her eyes stay glued on Doctor Avery. Suddenly, he is turning off the ventilator; the one thing that, she had at least been conscious enough to understand, was keeping Amy alive.

It had been keeping Amy _alive_.

Fucking hell. _**No**_.

"NO! No! This can't be happening! This… cannot… be…. Happening. How in the hell is this happening?! You said that she would make a recovery! You said that I would…I can't be losing… I…I… I need her. I need Amy! You can't just… you can't give up on her… you can't just…" Karma is sobbing now, the most heart wrenching sobs that anyone has ever heard in their entire lives. It is Shane's arm around her shoulder that is keeping her upright, until suddenly, it is something else entirely.

"K-K-Kar-Karma?" The tiny, raspy voice whispers out so quietly that if Karma had not spent every day since the beginning of her life hearing _that_ _particular voice_, well, she might have just missed it. Her mouth drops open as she looks at Shane who is smiling weakly, nudging her forward. Suddenly, she is sitting on Amy's bed, her hand gently in hers as she stares at the girl whose eyes are struggling to open.

"Amy, it's me. It's Karma. I'm here. Can you hear me?" Karma whispers, her fingers gently tracing Amy's jawline. And suddenly, in that moment, it is as if the rest of the world around them simply just _stops_. As if the clock on the wall made its tick, her heart in her chest took its final beat, and her lungs expanded for the very _last_ time.

Because, suddenly it is Karma's deep brown eyes that are staring into the most beautiful shade of emerald jades that she has ever known in her _entire_ life; those same eyes that give her life _meaning_.

Sucking in a crying gasp, Karma's face suddenly splits in half as the biggest grin of relief washes over her face and the tears begin to expel down her cheeks. And precipitously, Karma _cannot_ breathe, but it is the most amazing type of awe struck that she has ever experienced in her entire life.

"I love you," Amy whispers in a muddled groan, her eyes wincing at the harsh light and Karma thinks her heart really might just explode right then and there. Crying joyously, Karma leans down, kissing Amy's dry lips ever so softly before resting her forehead against hers.

"I love you too, Ames" cries Karma.

And oh how she _**did**_, because loving Amy Raudenfeld had always been as easy as breathing.

* * *

Also, just remember that just because Amy is awake, doesn't necessarily mean it is going to be smooth sailing. ;)


End file.
